glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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