just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
