btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
