he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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