I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
