just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
