11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
