The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
