And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
