What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
