haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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