I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
