TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
