brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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