Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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