When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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