So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
