Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
