Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
