I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
