Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
