I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
whose parrot is this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
