If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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