I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
