do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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