but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
