I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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