I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
