it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
