Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
