Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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