a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
