when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
