You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
