The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
