I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
