i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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