I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
