You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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