We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
