Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
