We're like a lot better than the average bears
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
