we're blogging at a bar
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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