Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
