apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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