i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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