were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
