Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
