On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
