I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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