I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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