idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
